waiting

Waiting for my dad to get better
Waiting for wife to get home
Waiting to drink
Waiting to kill myself
Told the gf I'm still trekking back with my dad. Mostly its to avoid the birthday conflict  of wife vs gf 3 days apart.
He is doing a little better i had him to the Dr.and he adjusted his meds to bring up his blood sugar. He has more energy and good appetite. I feel guilty for sitting around but I keep telling myself I'm doing good for my dad and that involves just talking care of him as best I can.
Still get wave after wave of kill yourself feelings. Gotta wait though
Fucking insane bastard