Where to begin

I showed her son feeling and she laughed  

I talked about it cause I didn’t do it very well and she dismissed it  damm it I’m a shit person who has fooled everyone  

Didn’t fuck cause I was being a li’ll bitch  couple of nights 

I told her several times today I wanted to make love with her and was extra affectionate. She’s like aren’t you sore from working out. Goddammit working out isn’t there for its own sake it’s a thing to do to keep fucking. I almost said fine and rolled over. And so I fucked her she didn’t complain abu that big O. 

This all doesn’t make sense or even matter just marking time waiting on the death. 

The creeping darkness

I’ve got a good life. A wife who adores me and I her. Yet  the darkness is creeping all around. How long can I keep it away? How long until my battery dies?

Old places

 It’s so very strange taking our grandson places I went to as a teenager with dates and friends and even my family. Life is so very different and not what I expected I guess. It’s wonderful don’t get me wrong just different. Kinda emotional as well I suppose the feeling is known as bitter/sweet. Still alive not as dark as sometimes. 

Marking time

 Am I really just marking time until I die?  Fighting the darkness pretty hard today. 

The darkness

The darkness is creeping I can feel it. And like an old friend I’ll welcome it in like a long lost friend. Embrace it even. It holds my guilt my secrets my soul if I have one. 

The demons

 Stole my sleep last night. But I’m still here. Father husband grandpa. I’ll keep moving forward.   

Big wave

 Like so often happens when I’m alone in the house. The house where I live a different life with Princess. I let a linear thought in and got blasted with a wave of sadness that left me sobbing. I still think about her and the life I would have had if she had lived. And I cry for a future that never happened.