who in tthe fuck do i think i am? im fucking up a lot of peoples lives lately.
Went to the girl friends house last night again. Just kinda zombied around till she got me in bed the gazam dident even feel good. she got off after me by twiddling herself and yanking on me till i was hard again but why do i keep going back over and over and over?
when the truth comes out. not if but when a lot of people will be hurt. ill start drinking again and then the spirals will all come out of my head. at least my children are old enough to understand that dad has gone crazy. My Mom spent several trips to the mental ward at our local hospital while i was growing up and my dad was a drunk (recovering still) so i guess the writing was kinda on the wall for me from the begining. i guess i just dont know which way to go. i tryed praying this past weekend a couple of times but got all lost in my own guilt tryed telling my Dr one time but coulldent get the words out of my mouth that i wana off myself all the time. guess thats why i put it down in this blog to get it out so my head wont explode. im too much the coward to do it and too week to do the right thing
BASTARD