far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt

far beit for me to contradict a great president. but... I long for the gray world of my past i yern for it. o to be engulfed in the gray nothingness again, to not feel to never smile never cry. Im going there now as sure as a moth is drawn to flame im going there. I have fought my way back from depression 2 other times with help and determination susceded to a point i guess. I was younger and stronger not now though i havent the strength or maybee not the will. I have lost hope if i every really had any to begin with.
bastard