scared my self

i was back at my house yesterday sunday packing up for an outing with the fam and voulenteer gig. when i had the bigest urge to pick up the shot gun and shoot myself. i noted where the gun was and where the shells were. i ran from the room and cryed myself sick. think the only thing i think saved me was i remembered there is a triger lock on the gun and the key is double locked in the garrage. scared me tho the urge was as strong at my old drinking urges

did not drink last thursday. remembered i was to take the boys out to dinner for getting good grades. went for pizza anw we went to church

friday did the gf thing
saturday slept in and then went skiing in the afternoon.

INSANE BASTARD