My life continues to spirol out of control. the gf loves me and "cant wait to see me this afternoon" the wife told me me last night she loves me and that "im wonderful" if either one knew what a bastard i really am well i dont know what would happen. lots of tears and i would start drinking again. that i can do even if i cant kill myself. actually drinking for me is like a verrrrrry slooooow suicide. but i cant ever seem to say the words neither wants to hear i lay awake in the dark next to either one and mouth the words over and over but never say them out loud. a drink would solve it all and solve nothing at the same time.

took the boys to an orv safety class last night so they can ride at the sand dunes this year i think they really like me for the things we do together . of course they dont know ther dad is such a BASTARD