im a bastard and i cant spell

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

saw the gf a lot this weekend not to hear her tell it, ImissyouIloveyouimissyoui miss youiloveyou, all the fucking time i dont get out of her drive way and she is saying i miss you and want you back in my bed. did the teacher thing this weekend for my volenter (gota leark how to spell that)group. everybody says i should go into teaching for real but I think ill stick with building cars. i keep wondering when will all this bullshit will stop this endless round of lies fucking and acting normal. I think i snaped inside my head a long time ago but my body is still moving on auto pilot. do i keep going the way things are? Get help? last night i had my phone out at the dinner table making a note in the callender and the gf called (luckily we have a rule no calls durring a family dinner) but I had it set to vibrate and there it was buzzing away i pushed the button to reject the call but then wondered if i hit answer the rest of the night and my girlfriend listened to out dinner conversation. I talked to her later that night and she gushed her love and devotion to me so i guess the sharade continues. I felt so guilty i stayed up till midnight cleaning and doing chores around the house so i would be "to tired" to do anythig in bed w the wife. Cant kill them all and that wouldent be fair anyway. too much of a coward to do myself in. Maybee ill get creemed by a semi on the way home today. does God really exist. I cant seem to find him anymore

i came across som old porn in the attic of my garage funny when i was a horny tean i couldent wait to have sex w more than my hand now i find it the only guilt free experience i have left.

am i a Bastard Yes I am


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