comes down to this im an adulterer and im cheating on my girlfriend. no matter how nice a guy i seem to be to the rest of the world im a bastard deep down. I dont really know how it happentd but i cant seem to stop it im not strong enough. I know i should tell the gf and the wife the truth and let them decide what to do with there lives from there. the choice really isnt up to me. I kinda wish one of them would get a gun and in a fit of rage kill me while im with the other. that kinda shit only happenes in the movies tho.

the girlfriend called me at lunch yesterday to twiddle herself she sounded like she came 2 times.

goin to the girlfriends later we are supost to go to som friends later but there is lots of snow in the way so maybee not. prob just stay home and f. i dont wana f anywon anymore. i tossed off last night to som old porn that was actually very satisfying. that and sleeping pills and i slept all night

snow and more snow comming. maybee ill slide off the freeway and rollover in a ditch and get my head chopped off. dream dream dream.

BASTARD