the gf kinda hinted that i should come over after work last night but i didnt. "i miss you so much" and all that bullshit. so i went and made dinner for the boys. and went to scouts. i hate scouts its stupid and just bullshitish every time but the boy likes it so we go.

got home and took som sleeping pills and passed out. the nice part about pills as oposed to drinking is i can lay there and feel them taking over till im out. o and no hangover either. but i really wana drink i miss the uforia it gives. its a mental obsession that fills my mind more and more. how long do i have left before i drink? for me to drink is to die. it would be a long cowardly long and slow suiside involving everywon i know. bugger it just talked myself out of drinking again but alcohol is patient and will wait as long as it takes its just a mater of time.

BASTARD