guess im kinda like the kid sitting in a room full of toys and cant play with any of them for fear of breaking them. dont wana see anywon get hurt in all this trouble is i let it get so far that now only pain can come from it all.
I had a drink in my hand this weekend...... didnt drink it but wanted to dont know why i didnt.
did take som time on friday and hid out at my dads while he was gone talked to his cat a lot didnt get any answers, guess thats a good thing.

it kinda feels like my sanity is slipping away slowly and i cant seem to do a thing about it. Eve here at work things feel strange. i can still do my job fairly well but im working alone lately and i have been building trucks for a long time now so i guess im just acting the part here now too.

i watch death videos on my break times and murder shows late at night. wierd thing is i was riding the other nighy and i could have let myself get hit by a truck but i did everything i could to avoid it. keep telling myself it was because i was riding somone elses bike and i didnt want to damage it. but it makes me wonder... do i wana die or just escape it all and thats the only way i can think to resolve my situtation. gota get back to work
james