im a bastard and i cant spell

Friday, September 12, 2008

insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. i have been told that countless times in AA over the years. i guess it must be true cause i do the same things over and over i guess im not really expecting any thing to change. it all will somday but then control will be taken away from me. secretly i want it all to fall apart so i can go back to drinking and feel normal again.
i was just thinking the last drunk i went on i had a blood alcohaul level at .39 when the cops pulled me from my truck. i was offically charged with .35 after i was tested at the station. i was not released the next day till i saw the jailhouse Dr. and after the rest of the "normal" drunks were long gone. while waithig i was put in with the general population waitng to see the Dr. guys who beat there wives a guy who shot another man a few psycos that were locked just for being crazy. and i sit here wanting all that back? i have no other soultion.

my dads doing well and recovering little by little. at least i dont hafta wipe his ass anymore. i did give him a good shave yesterday no nicks. he is still on blood thiners so it made me a little nerviouse to do it. he starts rehab today my wife is dropping him off and picking him up. i was going to do it but nowone wanted me to miss work. at least im good for a paycheck every week.

life insurance would pay a lot too i HATE mYSELF



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