death and insanity

i think of death quite often. i rely on it being on option. i can find no other answer to my insanity. i do the same things over and over. with the wife and gf.
the rest of my life goes on i moved my dad back into the house after spending the summer in the motorhome. cat and all. im back on the bennadrill so i can breath at night. as a bonus it helps put me to sleep.
i hate myself and the way im living