didnt sleep last night it was too late to take any pills so i didnt sleep much at all. goin on a date tonight with th gf o fuckingshit here we go again lots of people and it should be a good time but im not sure i can put on an act tonight.
havnt said more than yea yes no and uhuna to her for more most of the week of course she natters on and on about her puppy and school and all kinda bs.

walked to Mcdonalds for lunch (first time in years) cause i got a cupon in the mail for a free sandwich. and they were closed. WTF closed mac d s is never closed. unless there is a power outage of course everything past the corner was out of power so i walked the mile back and went past the shop to the bar on the other side. got a burger and a coke. funny thing for all my talking about drinking it never occured to me to order alcohol wtf i want to drink myself to death and yet when the opertunity presented itself to me i didnt take it. i guess i dont really wana off myself or drink. I just want out of my situtation. i must get out or i really will lose my sanity
BASTARD
PS i tryed to pray to God today. Pray for what? how? i knew at one time how but i cant remember how to anymore.