emotional gray

took the boys camping with dad this past weekend. got em a cell phone in case we got seperated while off roading they actually shared it quite well. the oldest called his gf a lot 6 hours worth according to the call timer

my aunt and others all thank me for bringing my dad camping with them and what a good son am. yea right

i did take the boys off roading the oldest was suprizes and happy i put him on the bigest newest bike in my ageing fleet he fell (in sand) a lot but i think he is a better rider now for it. the china made quad had its share of troubles but nothing i could not fix trailside. stayed till late monday and found our way home without much traffic at all.



called the gf a few times but did not even offer to "sleep" with her on the phone she likes having me on the phone even if we don't talk much. put a new kitchen faucett in for her friday. cant remember now if i fucked her or not prolly did.



the wife has been kinda distant since we got back she hasent said anything but just kinda different lately. her job is ending the end of the school year so maybee thats it? maybee its shes married to such a BASTARD



got everything unloaded and washed last night



kinda strange i have slipped back into my emotional gray area lately no highs no lows just gray all the time. the only time i felt alive was when i was teacheng 1st aid last week. i was like this when i was drinking just thought it was the alcohaul all the time but now i think its just the way i am

INSANE BASTARD