Still getting married

So I've all but moved in with t gf. O pardon me fiancé. I have told everyone I know everybody seems happy for us. We have registered which is not my idea but friends are insisting that we do. The trip to Europe after is planned and paid for. I still feel......guilt ,remorse,fear,regret,suicidal. I'm doing a little better not being pulled in so many directions. I wonder if I'll ever not miss her? I think about her every day. Am I getting married too soon? I sent a email to my in laws saying how nothing no one can fill the place in my heart her passing left. I think that is true we did have magic no matter how bad I tried to fuck it up we did have it for over 28 years we had it. I have a different magic now not the same but I hope it's enough to keep me from pulling the tie strap.
INSANE BASTARD