im a bastard and i cant spell

Thursday, November 20, 2008

i have a question? with California burning up how much carbon dioxide monoxide and green house gasses are being reliesed into the air? probably more than all the autos ever will. i dont know but seems to me there is a lot.

how in the fuck can my gf make wild love to me and then 30 min later tell me her dad died?

how can i stand to live anymore ? day after day after day


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

now is when i wana drink the most im back at my old job neer my old drinking haunts with nothing to do durring lunch sept thinking about how much of a bastard i am

just read someone elses blog and it asked me to open the neerest book turn to page 56 and post the 5th sentance Carranza Eva 1406 south vasser road burton..........810 744-2325.
dont think she ment a phone book tho.
just figured out that im woiking for minimum wage after you take out the unemployment factor. At least im working and doing my part to save the auto industry. yea right like anything i do anyware will make a difference. it fills my day anyway and im not sitting across from my dad trying to think of things to say.
I should be happy he is with me and i can help make his elderly years better. but he complains a lot and i try and not take it personaly.
my girlfriend told me Sunday she lost her dad saturday night. Guess he went in his sleep and is not being burried or having services so she is not going anyware.
when i put my head down at night i keep thinking of a pistol grip sawed off shotgun...
when the sleeping pills finally kick in i sleep for a couple of hours and wake up thinking of what my first drink will be i can almost taste the cheep wine or feel a cold beer going down my throght (never could spell that word)
ski season opens here today. nott even looking forward to it this year just more stress at keeping my 2 worlds a part

Monday, November 17, 2008

back from lay off for a few weeks probably till christmas. at least its a little money comming in.
didnt drink dont know how probably caus my dad was home.
hate myself for all that i have done and all i am doing and probably will do in the near future cant think of myself as anything other than an evil