im not sure how mentally unstable i really am but i do know look in the mirror daily and wonder just what in the fuck i think im doing. guyw like me dont cheat on there wives at all let alone have this enormas scam going with lie apon lie and story after story to practically everyone im my life. i hate looking at my self in the mirror and when i pull the knife out the seething hate grows stronger cause im week and wont do the deed. i hate you!!!! and all you have become. maybee God still has a pourpose for me maybee thats the reason im still alive. i dont no but i hope its all over soon. im 2 much a coward to take my own life so some poor soul will hafta wack me on my motorcycle or bycycle or on the ski hill or a boating accident. a nice industrial accident at work would do 90% more likley to be killed if your a skilled trademen. so many ways to die so little death.
BASTARD

gota nother infectio in my left nut. went to the Dr and he gave me som pills i asked why i keep getting them he said i shouldent really caus iv has a vasectomy. but my nuts hurt and i feel like shit but i cant seem to die.
rode the bike to work today 15 degrees lots of black ice and slick spots but no death.
dum ass
BASTARD

just a quick post fron the freezing ass cold
i think about offing myself every hour of every day while im awake and i even dream about it a lot. i know im too much a cowered for not doing it already. i carry the knife with me every where i go now put it to my neck or chest daily but i never plung it in. die stupid bastard die.
BASTARD