well its been a while since i posted not much has changed in my life im still a bastard and still cheating on my wife and gf at the same time. i cant really believe that either one really believes all the bullshit i spoon feed them all the time i cant keep all the lies straight in my own head and im not that smart of swave to fool them all the time.
i havent drank yet but i really really want to and i found myself thinking the other day "maybee i wasent that bad" and "maybee im not really an alchaulic after all" I had a BAL of .39 at my last dui that takes a real seasoned drunk to function at that level. maybee ill just get drunk on weekends or only on vacation maybee the knife or the gass really is the thing for me

i did get the trans out of my dads truch and sent it to be rebuilt and got the neighbors generator looked at expensive to fix but i have a friend comming back in town ina month and he can fix it for less maybee. or ill fix it if i get laid off again.
at least the new contract rules for auto workers is getting som of the dinsaurs i work with to retire 20k and a 20k voucher toward a car is not too shabby to get as a retirement bonus but its chumpchange compaired to the 62.5k they could have had a year ago. it dosent make my job anymore secure but at least im closer to the top of the seniority list just no one is filling in the bottom.
kinda hard to plan a vacation knowing i might get laid off but we now gota use it or loose it.
my dad is already wanting to plan weekend trips and im the only one who can drive the motorhome for him. It would be technicly leagle for my 15 year old son to drive it on his learners permit but he and my dad dont think thats a good idee at all.
baught a quad for the youngest boy had to fix it but he is excited to get on the trails this year.
baught (how the fuck do you spell that) new tires for my truck retreads but new for me the wifes truch will get my like new tires right now she is running around on 3 spares hers mine and my dads cause the belts seperated and the car made everbody do that bobblehead thing going down the road. the retreads were fairly cheep but i hafta raise my suspension up to get them to clear the body. ive always wanted to jack up a 4x4 anyway so thats my spring project should make it get better milage as well well see.
i dont think anyone reads my blog but if you do just know that this is all just thoughts that come outs o my head so it wont xplode
BASTARD

i read in another blog that old one about a man waiting on a roof in a flood and how God may not answer prayers cause its may be better to solve them yourself. my case ive never prayed to God to solve my situtation cause i know what i must do to get out of it. tell the truth to all concerned and let the people i have hurt meke desicions because im the cause of the problems not the soulition. the only solution i can come up with for me is to kill myself and stop hurting all the others. trouble is im a coward when i put the gun to my head i dont pull the triger i dont slash the knife put to my throught i slow down at that corner where i can ram my cycle into the bridge and i open the door when the carbon monoxide gives me a headache. im a coward and a BASTARD

been spending a lot of time at my voulenter gig just to keep the gf happy and to keep away from the wife who has a nasty cold. been doin a lot of fucking tho just the same. found som flowers at the grocery the other day 2 for 1 sale so i got them and of course one for the wife and one for the gf. im such a bastard.
BASTARD