suicide

i have an aa birthday comming i soon and i really have the overwhelming urge to kill myself right now. been sober 14 years now. the last 10 have just been dry though cause i have been using aa as the main reason to spend time with the gf.
i know i really dont to off myself cause at lunch time today i avoided an suv running a stop sign that i could have let hit me prolly would have only put me in the hospital anyway.
if i ever get hit on the motorcycle i hope im just blind sided and i go in an instant

INSANE BASTARD

wana die

wana die cause i dont know what else to do. no matter how hard i try no mater how much i steel my resolve when i try to talk to my wife or girlfriend i cant get the words out to end either relationship. Am i insane

Stuff i have done this past week

lets see since my last Post i have,
cheated on my wife 3 times
cheated on my girlfriend 1 time.
went snowboarding with my old friend from J.H.S.
got my taxes done. money back as usual.
opened a bank account for my dad.
pulled in front of a SUV yesterday on the motorcycle the driver swerved but it was close.
thought about offing myself about a thousand times.
INSANE BASTARD