snow

put the tires w studs on the bike last cause it was callin for snow. got dressed this morning went to the garage hit the button and bam the door broke. and the bike would not start dore worked fine last night and the bike started just fine. guess there was a reason for me not riding.
think about dieng every day still if i did dad would hafta come back for the funeral and that would suck. guess ill wait till spring to off myself. think about it every day though. guess i should see a Dr about that but i wont.

INSANE BASTARD

got my dad to FL without too much trouble. side swiped a truck at a gas station kinda both my fault and his so we exchanged paperwork and went on our way. got him all set up and flew back. hope he makes it to spring but if he does not he was happy and warm.

the wife picked me up at the port crying to see me. she really does love me. it makes me all the more of a bastard for it though.

couldent sleep last night for the guilt

guess my email got hijacked by a spambot and sent spam to everyone i ever sent an email to. sent out an appologee

INSANE BASTARD

did er again

went to the gf again last night. did run som errands first though instead of putting them off and rushing straight over. she asked if i wanted to do her so i did dont think she got off but i just dont care left about 1030 laid in bed for hours till sleep finally came and i woke screeming cause i was in a concrete tunnel and it was exploding and fire everyware. didnt die in my dream so here i am typing the same bullshit i have for the past several years just as stupid as ever.

INSANE BASTARD

cant sleep

couldent sleep friday night why you ask could it have been that my motorcycle was making a horibale knocking sound? no thats not it. could it be the trip to fl in the motor home that is still in getting worked on? no thats not it either. could it be the cats agravating my allergies and making me cough and wheeze constantly? no no no . could it be that i had just fucked the shit out of my gf and i am now laying next to my wife? yes i think that just might be it. that little voice in my head saying you are a worthless slimy contemptable evil auful ugly bastard JUST DO US ALL A FAVOR AND KILL YOURSELF NOW AND SAVE EVERONE FROM YOUR BULLSHIT ASSHOLE!

INSANE BASTARD

just venting about work

gona bitch about work for a minute here cause we had a "pep" talk at our weekly meeting about doing things more efficiently. i asked hav you ever known us builders to sit on our ass cause we just had so many parts we didnt know where to begin. Every place i have ever been in GM or the few other companies i have worked for have ever been able to keep me in enough parts or information to keep my buisy. im not braging im slow as fuck by most standards but i cant build something out of nothing. period! period! period! GET US THE FUCKING PARTS. THE RIGHT PARTS. QUALITY PARTS AND WE WILL BUILD ENGINES TRANSMISSIONS CARS TRUCKS AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT US TO BUILD.

im just a worker drone doing my job as best as i can. its about the only thing i do right.

INSANE BASTARD

this cold wont fucking let up today and yesterday its headache and sinus pressure.

had yesterday off took my dad to see a great aunt he kept saying he wanted to go see. She looks like a holocost surviver with nice hair. she still gets around via wheelchair and talks up a storm funny old person smell and likes it 85 degrees. still did my duty and got my dad there and acted kinda of interested. found out my biological maternal grandmother died of kidney disease.

still putting up barriers for the rodent in the attic

voulenter canidate testing this past weekend 10 outa 12. gf was a prissy bitch and walked out. fuck it i think im done teaching anyway.

fucked her sunday and the wife on monday

i hate myself
INSANE BASTARD

slowly cralling out of this cold didn't take any meds yet today just cough drops

drove the truck yesterday and went costco at lunch and ran errands fixed shit around house and installed the new (reconditioned) dehumidifier. My brother talked me into it cause it was 1/2 price but it does not work right. he'll make it right just a pain in the ass as i had the cash for a new one.
put in the new batt in the 250 and took it out all systems working so far
still hearing a squirl but only in the attic now so im closing in on em.

gona try and get the boy to the sec of state to get his cycle permit today.

not thinking of suicide as much but it still pops up daily

INSANE BASTARD

still got a cold

2+weeks now just stuffed up mostly but coughing a lot still too.

did another 5 hours at the other swap. one of the venders pulled me aside and said he wants to hook me up with a board for the season for helping sell so much of his crap kind of nice of him.

gave the gf a recipie for potatos and she made it for dinner last night it was good

made her ride me last night.

fixed the ninja but cooked the battery by leaving the charger on high overnight. goin to get a new one this afternoon on the way to the gf house if i go
INSANE FUCKING BASTARD