doinked the wife last night. I make it sound cheep but it was nice, normal, quick, and lots of cuddling. took a huge amount of sleeping pills just before. passed out really. cant sleep anymore without them. usta not sleep without drinking. dont know how i havent picked up yet just a matter of time i guess.
BASTARD

what to say didnt get drunk had thankskgiving at home and had my brother and his family in. kept it all from the gf and even spent time with her. effed her on friday morn but couldent cum think the guilt is gettin to my winki caus i didnt bate or f the wife either. still havent! usta do it all the time now i hate it and want my dik to fall off.
BASTARD

so the gf plans changed and now i go over to f her just like that i go i am such a puss. i wanna go and hide till christmas is over. por pore me having 2 women ador me and want me around them all the time. just wana drink them all away. my plan is to drink from christmas till about mid january but i think ill get a pint today and start the hollidays early.

fuck it ill still be a BASTARD just a drunk
BASTARD

what ithe fuck am i doing? im carrying around my wifes wedding ring in my pocket. a diamond fell out and she wants it fixed for christmas . in the same pocket i have a cell phone and the girlfriend is on it. (i have an earbud mike as im too cheep to by a blutooth phone.
thanksgiving is comming as so the holliday stress begins. the gf wants me to see her the wife expects me home all the time. I ust to like the holllidays but now i hate em especially newyears as both expect me to b with them. My plan so far is to go on a huge bender on the day after christmas and stay drunk till about mid january got the money set aside and everything. it makes me sad that ive been sober now for like 12 years and this is the best idea i can come up for my life.
BASTARD

havent posted for a while dont know y just havent. guess ill just list what i did so i can remember it later when my mind goes. I dident feel to much just kinda numb.
fri took the day off work to get leaves picked up
went to my dads to change the oil in his motorhome and truck before he go to fla for the winter
went to the girlfriends where she f my brains out then we went to a local ski hill and walked her dogs. did som work for the manager there helped him moves som ski racks. then got ty food takeout and went back to her house to bath her dog that got into the mukky water at the bottom of the hill while were were working. to her credit she didnt complain about the work or her arm hurting or wine about the food being cold ok she wined a little about how cold it was going to be but we ate the spring rolls in the car and microwaved the rest when we got home. we cuddled and fucked som more till i went at about 1230.
got home and the 12 year old boy was just getting home from a scouting thing and told him i would get him up early to come with me in the morning.
Sat
went and tested 3 new canidates and one transfer the boy did well for being out so late the night before and so did 2 of the students one needs more work and will test again next year. took the boy to lunch and droped him off at home. left my truck with the 14 year old a told hem to pick up leaves we piled on fri and the widow nex door leaves and haul them to the swamp hel likes driving so i got no complaints. went to the gf and hung out and walked her dogs when we got back she bathed the same dog different water smellyer . t changed the oil in her car. we played yatzie with a stuffed tiger (who always wins) and huged and she fucked me i didnt cum. left about 9 pm.
Sunday got up early and shampooed the downstairs carpet put a roast in the slo cooker because the wife forgot my dad is comming over later. went to church w the family. the wife goes with the 12 boy and teaches sunday school and we meet for the 11am service.
the 14 boy is a greeter at the door the 12 is alter boy and she is an E.M. so i really just kinda sit there by my self. Sit in my guilt its such a fun uplifting time NOT! the boys both have shit goin on after till about 2pm so the wife and i went out for a nice brunch. that part really was kinda nice. that afternoon i worked om my dads truck taillights and we had a norman rockwell sunday night dinner coulda been 1955 it was so cute. I did make the wife get and make gravy tho cause she forgot it. didnt make her just asked nice i guess. went to the gf for regular sex and hanging out. havent been to an AA meeting in years now.

Monday went straight from work to the middle school to work on the robotics stuff with the 12 boy. got home about 9pm and went to bed
tuesday went to work then to the dentist. for som nasty refillings of my back 2 upper teeth. after getting an ink cartrige and usb cable $30 for a printer i bought on ebay for a penny (29.99 shipping) all said and done it was about the same price as in the store.
Now its wensday and im back at work and my jaw hurts a little and im going to work on the presentation for the robots competition on Saturday.
by the way most of the time when im at work or traveling to and from anyware i have the gf in my ear on the call phone all the fucking time she likes "being connected with me". Its wrong and i feel traped and dont know how to put a stop to it.

BASTARD

I hate my self i went to the gf house last night in the 37 degree rain,after working overtime! why? did she really need me that much? did i need her? dont know but i did f her brains out. and then got home just in time to take the boy to scouts. wife got home when i was in the shower and we hugged and went to bed.
BASTARD

all i can say about the weekend is it was crazy as usuall but the time with the gf was felatio palloza o my every time i turned around she had my dick in her mouth. got to her house she took me in her mouth. on the bed suck suck suck, i was hanging drapes she swallowed me down I like that part very much. what the fuck am i supost to do push her away nope cant do it.

monday same ol same ol. girlfriend iloveyouimissyouiloveuimissyou bullshit. spent sunday with her but its never unough. today she was going to come down to lunch w me but she has homework and shes like 2 hours for 45 min with you is not enough. so i ate my lunch and she gets all pissy like she was sitll comming down. fuck it im cglad she dident i ran errands at lunch time anyway. Is it wrong to hsve the gf on the phome while buying ky for the wifes dryed up snatch.

I have held the girlfriends hand wiped her tears and huged her through the medical training we went through together I have held her hand wiped her tears and huged her through her abusive marriage and divorce I held her hand wiped her tears and huged her through her 1st failed business i held her hand and wiped her tears when her kids moved back with there father i held her hand wiped her tears and huged her through her 2ond failed business I HAVE HELD HER HAND WIPED HER TEARS AND HUGED HER THROUGH A LOT OF SHIT! but now she is on the phone crying because school is too hard and she dosent "get it" she blubbering on the other end of the phone because she will probabbly get a less than perfect grade on her next poetry interpretation and cant understand her calculaus. she pulls all A s in all her classes and she cant stand to get less. well... im out of empathy for her shes used it all up the wells dry she needs to find somewon else to cry on this time. I still love her and we really fuck well together but time is running out cause i cant seem to stand her anymore.
BASTARD
anyway i make a heated jacket for riding in the cold it works well so far.

handeds out candy and beers last night for trick or treet (candy for the kids beer for the dads im not that much ao a bastard) before i went to my cpr class. REALLY SCARRY part is i am now a fully qualified cpr/aed and blood born pathogins instructor at the profesonal level. Yes i can show peple how to pump and blow on/into other peoples. only about 1 in a 100 times cpr is used does it do any good. hope i never have to. funny thing while we were talking about using the a.e.d. on females it was mentioned that you must cut off the womens bra off to apply it properly. and i thought nice chance to se som tits. i am such a sick sick
BASTARD