i am a horrible horrible person and i hate myself. its just that simple. i put on a good act of being a nice guy but im just a bastard i run ways to off myself through my head every day all the time
BASTARD

burried a co-volunteer yesterday went with the gf to the funeral service would not have recogonized him if his name wasent on the program i dont wana be viewed like that all dead and rotting put on display just cremate me and dump me in the trash.

had kinda of a fight with the gf this morning she asked "do you think we can be on the phone for the next 20 min while she walks the dogs?" it should not have pissed me off but it did dont know why we will burry that and call each other back in an hour or so and forget it all. not healthy but the relashinship is not healthy anyway.
BASTARD

started the new job on monday it is going well i guess i know what i am doing and can do it well.
GM in bankrupsy? just found out checks didnt get deposited last night ? wtf. are we working for free now guess thats not a job anymore its charity. ??????

i teach again tonight last class in a seris (i never write anything on the board never) people keep asking if i/we could teach all the classes guess thats a compliment and i should take it as such but i cant.

want it all to end but dont know how.

BASTARD