have not been blogging much

cause nothing has changed i still do the same things expecting different results. INSANITY i guess still want to break it off with the gf but cant figure out how still wana drink sooo f ing bad i can taste it. still want to make love to my wife but cant come through can toss off in the bathroom or garage and do the gf twice in one night. still want still want still want
i never DO! i just keep doing the same things over and over

talked to my dad last night he said he saw som people he had not seen in years and he genuinely sounded like he was having a good time. i go and get him on sunday

have too much going on saturday and can,t spend the day with the gf after we do final exam at my volenteer (stilll cant spell that) class dont want to name the organization cause my being in it would lend it a bad name now wouldent it. and soooo many people read my blog not!
any way people tell me im good at it and am a nice caring person bla bla bla... gona screem again

gota have the youngest boy at church in the afternoon cutting it close wish his brother could drive him but he only has a learners permit so he can start walking at 2 and ill pick him up and take him the rest of the way that should work

usta piss the gf off when things like this come up she would get all screechy and complain about how she takes a back seat im my life and on and on and on but now she just rolls with it. getting her trained like i have my wife dont ask questions and just accept what im doing even if it means disapointing you time and time again. im not trying to "train" anyone im just noticing the patern changing and its not me doing the changing.
gota get back to work
BASTARD

gonna scream

if one more person tells me how nice a person i am im gonna scream at them how much of a rotton bastard i really am. see i took my dad and boys camping overlabor day. drove the motorhome 150 miles up and rode the bike back, changed the oil and did som other service on it including hooking up a converter box to the tv cause my dad insisted he needed one could not get one US channel but could get canandian annolog fucking waste of time and money. lots in the camping group said how nice i was to bring dad up. if they new the truth they would hate me too stayed the nighy cause i was tired and the wife was still "broken" as she calls it. my dad had a fine time and even thanked me it takes a lot for my dad to say thank you so that meant a lot. i went back up and got them on monday. found the 13 year old riding a bike all over the place i tried to show him time and time again at home but he never wanted to learn i guess till he was ready or bored. called the gf c ouple of times very short conversations . went to dinner and rented moovies with the wife a comedy one night and a romantic storu the next. good time lots of cuddling on the couch and in bed. nice. it was nice and could be nice for a long time to come if i werent so buisy ficking it all up. since i got back ive been calling the gf every day and hanging on the phone like she soooo likes to do i never say much and neither does she but i guess its habet.
BASTARD