didnt get killed on the way the other day oviously. i know if it came down to it i would fight for my life if it was reall thretened but i sit and wallo in my pit of despair so much i do not see a way out.

Last night teaching i felt lighter than i have in a long long time unburdened by my troubles for a few hours because i was helping others learn. im good helping i think its how i got in soooo deep with the girlfriend i just wanted to help her with her situation and now she is very dependent on my help and i do not know how to withold "help"

didnt f her last night even though i had a erection while getting out of her bed and she offered. i didnt want to use her for a cum recepicle.

got in bed with the wife later guilt guilt guilt guiltly BASTARD i HATE YOU FOR ALL YOU ARE AND ALL YOU DO!

INSANE BASTARD

die bastard die

just a hope to get creamed dead by a truck on the way back to my house.

INSANE BASTARD on a mission

willing but not able to drink

have my dad all settled back in at home now he has a cold but it otherwise ok. He got drunk in newyears eve and fell down (that explaines why he was in such a hurry for pain meds this past January) but he says he quit for good this time . whatever i think i would drink in his position as well but i dont know just trying to stay sober for now myself.

the girlfriend has a year old water heater that is on the fritz it lights but wont stay lit put a new thermol coupler on but its in the gas valve according to my brother. she is pissing and moaning about it a lot i can replace it but she wants to get an electric which i can also do but she always asks how long will this take how long will that take how the fuck do i know i can do it just cant give her a time frame for every hour it will take. finally i told her we would get it done no mater what kind of heater she got and she seemed satisfied with that.


i did meet the pres on GM yesterday not terably exciting but us shop rats dont get much really.
he seems like a nice guy down to earth his talk to the masses later in the day said bacicly to just get down to the business of building and selling cars and trucks no bullshit i like that idea.
and i wana keep my job
the rest of my life is just rolling along in the fog of insanity i have created. i did have a couple of hours if feeling sane the other night when i was teaching class for first aid kinda steped out of my problems for a while and just was normal.

for now though im still an
INSANE BASTARD