21 Jan

 A. V. S. P. Cold and slow snow. 

Princess got us a Victrola stereo system for our anniversary. Nice 👍. 

I miss Patty. I have her records. 😢 

Trying to live in the now. 

18/19 Jan

 Depot park run Saturday. 

Pump Sunday. 

17 Jan

 Went to A. V. With the Princess for a couple hours today. Beautiful day. I rode well. 

Put Christmas stuff in the attic. Washed vehicles. 

16 Jan

 Pump 

Signed papers to rollover some financial stuff. 

Not much else cause winter. 

I wish I could stop getting irritated at Princess cause she says stupid shit all the fucking time. If I say I only need one meal don’t fucking say are you sure? Because it a long shift. If I get hungry it’s my fault not up for discussion. I love her voice but why is the only time I can’t hear her is when she’s talking to me. I can hear her all the time she’s talking to anyone else. Oh and if we need to shovel snow because dog prints don’t fucking let them out while we’re shoveling for fucks sake. Maybe I’m just easily irritated or quashed to many feelings down. JUST THINK BEFORE YOU SAY IT IF ITS STUPID SHUT THE FUCK UP. 

whew it feels good to vent. 

P. S. I wearing a jacket I’ve had for 20  years it’s still warm and comfortable. 

15 Jan

 Took M to the ski area. 

Made it through yesterday without tears. Only because I stayed very busy same with today as well i suppose. The tears will come hope when I’m alone and can let them down. I  chose to suppress my emotions once again. 

She was only 49 yo

 😢 

A. V. S. P. 

Sent this to my boys  

The ball was big today. Your mother has been gone 11 years today and I still miss her every day. Luckily I had patrolling duty at A. V.  in the morning and we took Miles sledding in the afternoon to keep busy. 

We’ll keep moving forward your mom believed in us and we owe it to her to live a life she would be proud of. 

Love you guys. 

Dad. 

P. S. I believe in you too.

13 Jan

 P. K. S. P. Princess came out for a while. 

12 January

 Walkies pump meadow brook theater to see footloose 

11 Jan

 Lovely snippet last night. Light fluffy easy to clear off the patio and driveway. 

Had lunch with Marie/Kim down the road nice conversation good food. 

Les mills shapes 

10 January

 I don’t know if it’s the darkness lurking or just sadness approaching slowly. We would have heard 4 days left. I don’t know of a word for pre-sadness but that just might be it. 

Yoga effed off. 

Shed, hammock, heater = nap. 

9 January

 6 degrees this morning. Sunny and cold. Walking the dogs and lifting weights were about all I had in me to do. 

The darkness is still lurking close by. 

8th Jan

 Took the grandson skiing. Put him in a lesson. That’s about it.  

7 January

 A. V. S. P. Made a radical adjustment to both boots and bindings. I made a few good heel side carves. 👍 

Grandson came running out when I got home. I felt very special. We went sledding across the street. 

6th January 2025

 P. K. S. P. All day.  

Always miss my late wife at P. K. Sigh. Waves. 

5

 Walkies pump regular bs day. 

4th day of the new year.

 Just kind of a regular day. 17 degrees. So hibernation is the thing. 

Did a new workout Pilates based. It was tough. 

I love sitting in my chair and tickling princess back. 

Light gray day 

1-3-2025

 Didn’t deserve much. It still seems like the time between Christmas and New Year. 

My head is neither dark or bright just kinda gray. Susan is doing a lighthouse puzzle that was given to Pat years ago. It’s not a trigger but a reminder of what was my former life. 

Second day of the year.

Princess rolled over and started fondling me last night. Nice I love direct foreplay. 

Not much else really to say. We did a yoga and some chores I finished a book. 

2025

 Decided to start this up again cause I don’t know why. 

Christmas was nice saw the grandkids and my boys. 

Princess and I are getting along pretty well  

Did a pump today to kinda offset the pizza I ate New Year’s Eve. Snowboarding is going well. I feel pretty confident in my O. E. C. Skills. Fixed my old boots. I think my head is as ok as it’s ever gonna get.  

So far so good we’ll see what 25 brings