vacations

gota put in my app for time off soon. just keep hearing the voices do everyone a favor and do the deed so others can get on and make plans for the rest of there lives. do it do it do it do it do it do it do it doitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoit
doitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoitdoit

do it you fucking
INSANE BASTARD

the voices

the voices in my head are subtle today murmering just out of reach of my thoughts or hearing but casting very dark clouds. dredging up old pains recient pains humilating pains. dark is the cloud right now.





suicide seems farther away and that really scares me. more than the band tie around my neck my hands shake hard to type. good thing g mail friend couldent chat today hands cramping just doing this.





busted a nut 6 times this weekend took fri off and ddid the gf 4 times on fri and then sat nite and sun night. f-ing exhausted today at work.





INSANE BASRTARD

suddenly want a drink i can taste it i yearn for it my body is crying out for alcohol
go and drink and die bastard die

today i was gmail chatting with one chick and had the gf on the phone at the same time. talk about fucking having a mess going on inside my head all at the same time. more insanity thats what i need. just went and stocked up on band ties

INSANE BASTARD

die bastard die

i drove seperatly to church last night i sat in my truck after wanting a drink so bad i could taste it. i pulled out one of the the thick band ties i keep in all my coats and put it around my neck. didnt pull it though should have. went back to my house and went to bed instead of going out. rubbed som lotion on the wifes feet she fell asleep and i ate a sammich and a bowl of cerial. why will she never initiate sex ever i rubbed her feet and back tickled her butt and carressed her puss and she rolls over and goes to sleep. guess she dont wana fuck a bastard like me cant blame her much.

INSANE BASTARD

snow fell t day maybee ill slide under a truck on the bike
INSANE BASTARD

dirty weekend 2.5

did it went to the gf on fri afternoon. she was reading and i started playin w her puss and she has a huge O so she said think she was truthing as she could have said knock it off thats irritating. poked her and fell asleep. got up and made a sammich and slept surprizingly well. up early to the hill north and had good time i guess. spent lots of money. got back late sat night well i guess just real early sunday
all this time im texting the one im working on at the home turf
church with the fam
KILL YOURSELF YOU
FUCKING INSANE BASTARD

dirty weekend 2

goin away with the gf again for the weekend should involv lots of f-ing

thought i waz in the clear with this other chick she said the other night she was only staying married to keep the wolves away. but then last night she is telling about all her coworkers having affairs and how she "wants to have one" fuck thought i was just going to be her friend maybee still will be.

doubled checked everything i wear has a bandtie in it

FUCKING INSANE BASTARD

3 dates in one day

yesterday i had 3 dates with 3 women.

first with the gf she wanted me to come over and get a piece of cake she mede me for valentines day. Good cake made from scratch worth the trip just for that. Then she point blank says to me "are you going to make love with me" cant say no to that of we went she rode me for a change and it was a good O. A little nap later and.....

Back to my house for dinner with the fam. then off to church of all things with the wife for prayer service. I so want to stand up at the end and say "could we pray for a parisher to end a long standing affair" but i never do. took the wife home kissed her and...

went up the hill to meet up with the 3rd woman in my life who says she is un happy in her marriage but let me know "she is not looking for anything else"

i really hope not as i do not need another vagina to maintain. still if she spread i would not go away with a stiffy.

FUCKING INSANE BASTARD

o yea on a different topic a cousin of mine just died. seems he passed out and choked on his own vomit at the ripe ol age of 29. lucky bastard

date night

just made a date to see a woman at the hill tonight. what the fuck am i doing. met her husband last night, nice guy, hate to do this to him. to my gf to my wife to everwone. made up 2 more emergency tie straps gota keep em handy.

INSANE BASTARD

idiot

you are a fucking idiot coultivating another relationship with a woman a married woman in an unhappy marriage

FUCKING INSANE IDIOT BASTARD

screaming

woke up screaming last night. scared the shit outa the wife.

i think the new friend ive been hanging out with is setting me up to fuck her.

got caught in the bathroom the other night the wife walked in on me when i was on the phone with the gf. gf hung up quick and should have called me out on it but why she did not i can not even understand.

INSANE BASTARD

a new one

the story sounds so familiar. hanging out at my voulenter gig and make friends with a woman who is unhappy in her marriage hang with her some more send e mails and texts. went up the bar with her and a larg group of people all that type of shit. last night she gave me this full body hug and pressed her cheek to mine. no hip action. im not trying to fuck her just seem to be heading that way. asking myself would i do er if i had the chance? think i would fuck a snake if somewon would hold it still for me.

flat tire on the bike yesterday put some fix a flat in it and rode it back to my lhouse.

i was riding my snowboard well this past weekend.

had a tremendous O with the gf on sunday. guess thats what keeps me coming back to her.

still ask myself what the fuck im doing and still answer I DON'T KNOW!

INSANE BASTARD