every day i think of a new way to kill myself.... yet i put nes tires on my motorcycle so i would be safer on the roads. why? i loaded it on the truck last night with the hope i could ride today. roads were to slick so i have it in the parking lot still on my truck in the hope i can ride at lunch time. while i was loading it last night i had both the bike and the truck running in the garage, can you say carbonmonoxide? it would look like an accident as well

INSANE BASTARD

the weekend

took friday off spent it with the gf
6:20 fucked her 6:22 sleeping
up at 9 to take her snowboarding it actually was perfict conditions but she bitched about some thing or another i forgot about what or maybee i just dont listen anymore.
she did well and didnt fall.
took her shoping cant remember for what
went bach home anf took her dogs to the bark park walked a lot her dogs ran a lot.
back to her house showered and ate pussy till she was screeming fucked her again and let her make me dinner.

went back to the place where i live moste of the time (cant really call it home)
and had a huge sandwitch and a ate some bennidrill and went to sleep.

saturday i got up and took the gf a ski pass i forgot to give her yesterday she made me a pancake with lots of fruit in it and had me poke her but i didnt wana bust a nut cause the wife would probly want some. dont know it i could have any way?

stoped and got donuts before giong back home and cralled back in bed in bed found out the wife is broken so thats a pretty good thing i supose. spent the day pottering around and not doing much of anything the kids didnt want to go skiing so i didnt push and just hung out
went to church at 5 made like i prayed and took communion like im not a sinner.
made an awsem roast for dinner with mashed potatos gravy and brockly for a veg yummmm
watched a movie with the boys "On any Sunday " the seemed to like it
ate some more benadrill and passed out.

up early to the gf house to take her back out on her snowboard and me on my raceing board.
we aranged a lesson with guy who is very good at telling just what you are doing wrong and helping you fix it. i took his advice and rode ver well the rest of the day hard boots and all.
the gf did well too but switched to skis in the afternoon.
we showered and sat on the couch eating dinner and watcing som olimpics
when we were fucking she was a little dry so i poped off kinda quick for her and fingered her while she flicked the bean around she came so hard she sprayed me with jizz. it kinda turned me on for a second but then i had to go wash. we lay for a while and i get hard again so i jumped back inside and banged away till i got off again. she laffingly said she would pee herself tomoro i pounded so hard. kinda took pride in that dont know why.

back to my house before the snow started shoved the cat over and got in bed . the wife was reading with the light on and it was very bright so i busted out her birthday present a night reading book light and she got all happy for me being so thoughfull

couldent sleep till the small hours were getting bigger guilt guilt guilt

INSANE BASTARD

rode the motorcycle to work today25 degrees not too much ice.
agreed to take the day off and spendit w the gf dont know how she talkes me into stuff like that.
met her at lunch time to walk her dogs at the local park wasent hungry i called and told her so but she brought me pizza anyway. thought she was gona blo me in the car.

in the shop where i work now i can see the mens restroom. about 1/3 of the men do not wash there hands at all another 1/3 just run water and rinse there hands. Only 1/3 of them use soap and wash thoroly. i have noted this in public restrooms as well. WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS PEOPLE! with soap!

ditched ash wednesday w the family cause i felt like shit just tired mostly i guess though i am fighting a cold. tossed off to som internet porn and went to bed. took 2 benadril and slept through most of the night up 2 pee once

INSANE BASTARD

i keep trying plastic bags on my head to see it they are a-air tight and b-i can not chew through them easily no such luck finding one that works yet. i would probably tear it off in a panic before the end anyway. a guy i worked with a couple of years ago tied 2 plastic zip ties around his neck and pulled them tight. trouble with that is a co worker found him and was real shaken up about it for a long time.
took yesterday off didnt really do much.

INSANE BASTARD

last night

went home sorted out my dads meds and got them ready to mail.
made dinner
ate dinner w the family
loaded the cycle on the truck
tossed off
went to bed
rubbed lotion on the wifes feet (i do that every night)
no sleep till 1am or so guilt guilt guilt

INSANE BASTARD

snow day

i called a snow day from work yesterday the wife and kids had no school so i stayed home as well.
the wife had just gone to the bathroom after i had called my boss so i took advantage of her sleepyness and got some. she was very willing as she has been sore from falling while skiing last week. i was gentile as i could be fingering her to O first then i did her kinda doggy with a pillo proping her little butt in the air. took about 30 seconds. then we slept for a couple hours.

woke the boys up with the promis of pancakes and skiing. didnt tell them about shoveling the drive till fter breakfast. they didnt really act like they wanted to ski but i draged them up the hill anyway 4 inches of fresh powder on a snow day was not to be denied. i think they had fun and we only stayed a couple of hours. came home had lunch traditional grilled cheese sandwichs. took a little nap with the wife then packed up my stuff and was off to see the gf for late afternoon skiing.

got to the hill and put on my carving board i love that board but it still scares me a little. really need a lesson from one of my friends and am trying to make that happen soon

got back to the gf house and she made dinner we showered and into bed we went. cant really hang out any other as her house is too cold. as we lay there hugging and she was giving me som head she complained her butt was still freezing. ???? so i fliped her over proped her large butt in the air and set to warm it up. took a littler logger than the wife and had to fanagle my way in a little bit (her butt really has gotten bigger) but got off and her butt was indeed warmer when i was done. sucked and played w/her nips while she flicked the bean about sounded like she has a good O and even a little one right after.

so that was my day fucking skiing and fucking.

couldent sleep last night and today GUILT reings in my head
INSANE BASTARD

o almost forgot tuesday after work i was laying on the bed and next to me was a carrier bag from the gorceriey. i put it on my head and tied it around my neck fucking holes in the botttom let me breath normaly fucking cheep ass bags

so what did i do this weekend?

all my faithfull readers want to know. ( dont think anywone reads the drivel that comes out of my head not even me)

went to the gf after work we went out and got dog food and stoped at the motorcycle store. She has this idea that we can travel the country via motorcycle with 3 dogs in a trailer out back. All that is lacking is a custom trailer to hold 3 dogs all necessary riding gear bags and bags of cash and me getting divorced and quiting my job. she substitut teaches and keeps getting involves in skeems to make money ie starting her own food supply business mary kay and others. How she finds money each month is beond me. Guess she has got to hold on to something of a dream. i brought dinner we showered and i kissed her puss and found out after she was bleeding after we f*&^ed didnt puke on her but felt like i should after a while i got cleaned up and left.

12 degrees and snowing i rode the cycle back to my truck and trucked it the rest of the way home.

spent saturday sleeping and lounging while the wife limped around the house after falling on thursday night. cleaned out the hair ball in the bathroom sink and cleaned the cabinet and helped sort and put stuff back (funny how much shit is in the bathroom cabinet) got cleaned up and went to a marriage enrichment dinner at church. 3 couples talked about the loss of children and how there marriage survived through it. kind of depressing and a lot of stilted small talk the wife likes to "just listen" durring this type of thing, frustrating but i brought up all the proper subjects weather jobs children bla bla bla. went to church and as it was world marriage Sunday we stood up with all the other married couples and renewed our vows to each other promising again to be faithful to he and all that other vow bullshit i have been lying about all these years. lying cheating no good bastard that i am. i did almost start crying though dont know that signifys

left her at church to teach sunday school and picked up the gf to go to our voulenteer thing.
got tai food for dinner on the way home. showered and she sucked me and i tossed off on her tits and fingered her till she came. we dozed in bed for a while till i had to go. she is already nagging me about her birthday 2 months away read a post the other day that said "if you wake up next somone and wished you had a hattched in your hand its time to leave"

moste of the time i lay next to her or my wife and think about my own death.

INSANE BASTARD

the weekend

another weekend. will i do the right thing and break it off with the gf? probably not. prolly just f her and placate her like i always do
cant decide to go to a buddys house for the bowl game or stay with the gf or go home with the wife who loves football.
took the family skiing last night the weather wis fine and the snow wos good. the wife fell at the end a little girl cut her off and she couldent stop fast enough. i was really suprizes how much feeling i had for her when i saw her down and possible hurt. my wife my love the mother of my children im crying as i write this i love her so much. she was ok and is just a little sore today but what do i do now?
INSANE BASTARD