what a pain in the ass last night was.
I picked up a small heater for my gf because she had no power. Her house was down to 40 degree I wanted to get her a generator but she has this block in her brain that will not allow her to learn anything more about gas powered things than turning a key. she can teach laten and advanced trig but she goes dumb at the thought of lighting her stove with a match. anyway i made her read the directions for the heater and light it. Turn a knob and push a button and she has heat. she gave me all that your so sweet and i dont know what i would do without you and all that bull sheit. get me the fuck outa here.

when i get back in my truck there is a message on my phone from my wife. Im thinking powers out at my house or somthing like that. but she is just gushing her love for me cause i put a heated masaging seat cover in her car. and fixed her throttle sticking closed problem. "im just in a little bit of heaven, you are my hero" she really is very low maintaince compared to my gf.

went home and we had power there so i wanted to work on an outlet that no longer worked but i think i will need an electricion to look at as i have no clue why im getting 12 voled out of a 110 volt outlet. as i couldent fix that i went to the widow next door to assemble a desk that she paid almost 500 $ for and it came flat packed and she fucked up on the assembly of it to her credit she tryed real hard and did a good job for what she did get put together.

now here is the weird part as im following her down the hall im thinking how much i would like to f her brains out SHE IS 65 YEARS OLD FRECRISTSAKE and im thinking of how much i wana bang her. I am fucked up. got the desk put together and started her generator to make sure she would have power incase we lost it. what the fuck is wrong with me i need to fuck another woman like i need another hole in my ass! anyway left her house with her telling me "i don't know what i would do without you" Nice guy aint i
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it is its all just further down the page

I think this thing is fucked up and not saving my stuff

its raining (: vroom vroom i get off work in 15min
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its now tuesday and over the weekend i somhow managed to f the gf 2x on friday the wife on sat night the gf on sunday and again on monday. not once did i start it.
on fri i went to the gf house and im not kidding here she had my clothes off and in the shower in less than 5 min of getting in the door and then the sucking and effing began. I made her a very nice dinner and we lounged around for a few hours and played a game of Yateez with her stuffed tiger Sir Lancelot. (i make him talk and roll the dice and dance when he makes a good roll) and then it was back to effing. and i cuddled her till around 1 am i got up and went home or at least where i sleep anymore.
Saturday took the family skiing nice weather had a good time. got home and got ready to take the wife out to an apreeciation dinner at church. I washed her car and we got there fashonable late. the food was good and i ate too much the conversation was like it is at church things, weather and mundane shit . the wife got a little tippy on wine and we danced our asses off People even comented on our dancing and how "in love we looked" . When we got home i thought the wife would kinda pass our and i could get som sleep but nooooooo i got into bed and she tore off my favorite silk boxers (ok ok they were a little worn but they were sooo soft) it turned me on enough to get hard and i dider up propper screeming and all. hugged a bit and got up and got a warm towl and cleaned us up. She usually falls right asleep but tonight she wanted more so i hada use my hand took forever but this time she was softly purring before i got the sheets pulled over us.
Sunday church as usuall and on to volenteer at the hill. got bitched at for som shit but fuck it ill quit if anyone important says anything . back at the gf for a hot shower and more fking slept till about 2 and went home.
Monday up at 445am off to work 2 hours sleep omfg. Picked up the gf and went to the hill to spend my shift in the rain. the snow was great tho and very fast just wet and cold. Helped the gf with her homework a bit closed the hell early and then i droped her off at her house where we showered and she again fucked me till i nearly passed out.
tuesday got up a little early to go and get the motorcycle from my dads house and rode it to work think ill get rained on this afternoon but there is hope the pavement will get slik and ill slide under a truck. Death sweet death o how i long for it.
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aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... i so wana drink....... till i die
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where do i go from here? gf wants me to go to the party. dont really wana go wo the wife.

think ill tell the gf how much im afraid of her and being with her. yea right rock the boat i have the balls to do that dont i.

working more ot 12 hrs all week dont leave time for much .

BASTARD

just wanted to watch the bowl at my friends house. thought that was a simple thing drive seperatly than the wife and kids cause it will run late and ill crash at bri's house cause its 2 blocks from work. but the gf is going on and on about how i could come and spend the night with her

what did i do this long weekend.

went to the gf on friday didnt dooo anything but played house and fuck
Saturday slept in got som food fucked the wife took a nap got up and slept sommore went and picked up the boy from his camping trip went t bed after an early dinner
Sunday church then to skiav back to the gs house feeked her twice
had monday off so did the wife again after breakfast couldent bust a nut guess im gettin 2 old. met the gf for som icecream while getting grout for the bathroom regrouting project.
went to skipk the wife and boys came and left early cus i was buisy. went to the gf for a late night fuck
now im back at work and back on overtime the life of a bastard fuicken the wife fuckin the gf and fucken the company
fuckin
BASTARD

dont know y i sit here and type this drivvel into the computer guess it just helps to get it outa my head or maybee it.......... who the fuck knows

didnt have much time to do anything last night made dinner talked with the wife for a while got the 12 year old ready for his camping trip this weekend.(camping in january fuck that) supost to get down to 15 f tonight . i gave him som of those warming packs that you tear open and they get warm hope it helps.

went to bed early and with the help of som sleeping pills slepe right through. feel real foggy this morn tho thinki the cold is still hanging on'

Gf is sooooo excited to c me t night she says "sorry, I just get so excited to c u" in her most bubbly voice. then she goes back into her quiet voice and i cant hear her so its back to what, beg your pardon, dident hear you. after several years and thousands of hours on the phone one would think she could speek in a voice loud enouf for me to hear her.

BASTARD

hada meet the gf at lunchtime she was goin on and on about fuck all i dont know but she couldent stop crying and she said that her day is always better for getting a hug from me. she would have blown me if i had asked her to. I know im fucked up but so is she. im just a BASTARD

worked on the boys bed again last night wife was gon to a pta meeting or somthing make a good dinner of eggs and ramen noodles.

gf just hung up on me havent said much anyway latly we just hang on the phone out of habbit i guess

the wife was feeling really stupid last night for not reading dates and times right for her neices wedding comming up and not really understanding what happened at the pta meeting so i did the only thing i could to make her feel better. took off her clotheS got her all feeling sexy and warm and loved then did er. she fell asleep in my arms with a smile on her pretty face. poor thing.

i feel like a real BASTARD cus i am.

havent been keeping up lately dont feel like i guess ive had a bad cold and of course getting lots of advice from the wife girlfriend and everybody else. go see a Dr take vitiman c eat ecinasha of som other cure all remidy. fuck it all it takes a week to 10 days to get ris of a cold no matter what anybody says. im feeling better but now and back at work fucking off. went and got the cycle today at lunch time feels good to ride. colder than fuck tho 25 f .
I was thinking on my way to dads to get the bike that if i lived there i would be going home now. then another thought occured to me that no i would be going to the gf house every night and spending my time with her attached at the hip and if not getting told to "touch me" and shit like that. SCARES THE HELL OUTA ME. its fucked up i know cus i love her and i love being with her. love my wife and kids too. Built a bed frame with the 14 yr old this week. not som store bought peice of shit but hunks of angle iron and weld it together 1x6 shelves for a head board that type of shit all made to my sons plan he drew up. I like being a father and husband.


im just not a very good one

im just a
BASTARD

when i got home (where is home anyway) the neighbors has finally got there old house demolished so they can build a new one. i got out my chain saw to cut a tree which i knew would fall on the house unless i used cables and shit so down it came right on the pile of rubble whith help from my boys we cut and stacked it all in quick order and now in the spring i can lay down som gravel and my dad can come out and park his motor home there. made dinner just in time for the wife to ger home sat and talked to her for a while. called the gf left her a message took a shower and went to bed about 830. the wife is broken so at least i dont hafta f her for a week. wanked with an old porn mag still couldent get to sleep tho till i got up and had a sandwich and milk. then slept like a baby (up every 2 hours)
did get to ride the cycle in due to the warm weather thats cool.

Still am
BASTARD

pretty boring last night worked on my truck fixing the rear brakes wife cooked a great dinner and i ate too much she took the boy to scouts i showered took som sleeping pills and went to bed
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trying to think what to say. the hollidays are over and im kinda breathing a sigh of reliefe. went to the gf last night cus the hill was closed and we played house she even said thanks for coming over and playing house with me. i cooked her dinner and wasent even trying to f her but she got me in bed and well... said she was happy to cuddle and but she had a raging pussy so got off in quick order and she diddled herself to 3 giand screaming Os. all i did was flick her nips around but it got her off in a big way. got up and dressed and got the f outa there about 10pm

the tension returns as i pull up my drive and find the bedroom light still on.
wife was sitting up in bed goin thru her purse when i finally walked in. I always think there is going to be a big confrontation when she is still up like she found out something out. but no she was happy to c me and we got to cuddlenig and she fell asleep right quick. good thing as the lizard couldent stand another flogging right then.

I can taste the burn of wisky in the back of my throat, the coolness of a beer going down, the sweet prickel f a mixed drink almost all the time now. As i was in the toilet this morning the guy in the stall next to me had the heavs bad and i think about how much i dont miss that part of drinking.I think about my last stint in jail my drunken episodes and it keeps me sober one more hour. but i think about it a lot. funny tho i went into a store yesterday to get som cheese for spagetti i was having and dident even think about it. wierd.

o yea! never drank over the hollidays thought about it a lot but never did.
thought about sitting in my garage and leaving the engine running while i worked on my truck it would look like an accedent and i do have lots on insurance. think ill file that thought away for another time
BASTARD

How in inthefuck do i manage it. i treated the gf like shit most of the time off left her alone on newyears only went to her house for a few hours on christmas day (did get her som nice gifts even madee som of them myself) hardly said a 3 words to her on the phone or when i was with her and how does she repay me? fucked my brains out every time i got within reach of her and still thinks the her world rovolves around me. wht th fek??
wife is happy w happy i was home a lot so im in the same place i was before the hollidays.

my truck brok down and im in the process of fixing it. driving the wife's car. gf got all pissy cause ill be late for her house this afternoon cause the parts store gave me the wrong parts and now its taking longer than wxpected. she even went as far as to invite people over for dinner at her house so we can pretend we are a couple playing house. fucked up idnent it.

BASTARD

still reeling fron the time off
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