last day of work till the 1st the gf is already on me about how much time im gons spend w her dont wana take off but gota
took the boys out to meet with the wife for the anual norman rockwell christmass tree picking i really could give a shit what kind of tree we get or even if we get one. guess im not in the holiday spirt yet or ever anymore.

was gons take the kids skiing after but the new boots i got them dont fit there old skies went back home set up the tree and adjusted the bindings for next time watched Charlie brown christmas
on the surface all seems well real american dream kinda stuff
couldent sleep bounced another check from my dads account had to pay for his campground all the gas to get down to FL amd my flight back he has overdraft proction but im just too dum to figure out how to ballance a check book i am soooooooo not the one who should be maniging his money i try but even a simple thing like paying a Dr bill for him i looked at the bill and i checked how much money i had in my wallett and was still 5$ and change off of the correct amount i am such an idiot

i wish i wastnt a lying cheating dumbass
INSANE BASTARD

rode the bike to work today guess im a little out of the mainstream as it was 9 degrees outside but the roads were dry and i have all my heated gear. secretly im hoping to hit an ice patch and slide under a truckand get killed. i know the wife kids and gf will all miss me but at least they will say he died doing what he loved doing. yea right

cant seem to get my dads house sold som bs with the deed .
the dumpster is gon along with old matresses tractors and lots of junk from the basement.
has an ultrasound at the urologist yesterday to try and find out what wrong down there. it was wierd having a chick lube my sack and take pictures of my testies.
did the wife last night felt good felt guilty felt hungry took sleeping pills
o yes gots call in som of my dads scripts
o fuck i droped my phine in the tiolet again!
3 years delinquent on refreshers George figured pk would take care of it fuck more hassles and more hassles.
gota ride home still hoping for that truck car or buss to mash me

INSANE BASTARD

also want to drink so bad i can taste it wisky vodka kaula cheap grape wine beer my mouth is salavating at the thought
more and more insanity creeps in daily

well letts see what have i been up to?
hired a dumpster to my house and loaded it with attic stuff i was going to put it out for the garbage truck a little at a time but couches and matresses are hard to get rid of i could have cut them up like i did the first couch but after nearly sliceing my wrist with a big angle grinder i decided to use dads credit card and get a dumpster.
i have done 4 shifts at my voulentere gig
had a birthday party for the 14 year old. he is 5' 4" tall now and still growing at least he'll be much taller than me.
i the gf was bleeding so she sucked me and i tossed off for her 2 or 3 times cant remember when she was able to mount me she was just done and a little dry it was kinda hurting so i just came fast and played w het tits while she friged herself.
wife hasnt goten any in a while she'll be next i guess.
think about pulling the triger everyday every day i fantisize about it hand gun? shotgun?
INSANE BASTARD

got the boys to the dentest after all the oldest just walked to his mothers work and waited and i drove the other 14 miles to the pediatric dentist wondering about 1/2 way why in the fuck are am i driving all the way cross town durring rush hour to go to a ped dentist when the kid is bigger than me has no real special needs and we have 3 dentists within 3 miles of our house. talk to the wife about that one.
still havent figured out what to do about dads house got a dumpster comming to my house to get rit of old matresses and shit.
at least the gf has not been too demanding i think she can sence when im about to break mentally and backs off just enough to keep me comming back.
INSANE BASTARD

now ther is a discrpeency with the title to dads property and the closing will be delaied yet again i feel like calling the new owners and telling them to move in and we will sort out the bs later. now i gota find a guy i never knew from som old phone numbers that my dyslexic dad could barly read AAAAAAAH fuck still dealing with all the shit and more and more shit i gota get the boys to 2 different dentist on the same day an hour apart and yet im not supost to leave either ont there "incase of an emergency" ill figure something out but not sure what yet.
i did get to ride today 25 degrees or so and sno predicted. still hoping ill get mowed down by a large and heavy truck
had the first shift for the winter at my voulenteer gig went well but my hearts not into it this year.
got a new bathtub spigot cause the old one is sticking and now leaking when the shower is put on.
INSANE BASTARD

so i got my dad in FL and he is doing fine i tryed not to resent him too much as i was sorthing through all the crap we got out of the attic and other shit that needed to be thrown out years...decads ago. at least my sister threw crap out a few years ago after mom died so there is not quite as much. Im trying to hold on the the face at least we got to go through much of it with dad in the kitchen and able to laugh about somthing funny or tell a story about where this or that came from. its hord to do as im freezing my ass off sorting all this crap outside at 35 deg.

goin th the gf house after work. the wife still thinks i ride bicycles with friends and go to aa meetings havent been to an aa meeting for years now. how im still sober is beond my comprenson so is spelling .

rode the motorcycle to work today a few ice patches and 28 degrees heated gloves and jacket keept me tosty warm. keep thinking ill slide under a moving truck and get squashed like road kill. do i really have a death plan or do i just like to ride?

INSANE BASTARD

got dad to florida over the long weekend 1348 miles one flat tire and a stop in tennacee to have thanksgiving with the inlaws. i didnt enjoy the time with my dad like i prolly should have he kept on me about you can put the arm rests down on that chair or fold the couch all the way down or better get over never too soon to change lanes i know he is my dad and all and he even said i did a real good job driveing down and he really apreciated me taking the time to get him there and getting him all set up. but all i can feel is relief at him being gone for 5 months and the house can get back to normal. whatever the fuck that is. still gota close on his house but i have power of attorney to sign for him and i dont really care when it happens as long as i dont havta go and do more work on it. still gota a pile of garbage to get rid 0f tho

wife was soo happy to see me last night she cryed for about 5 minnutes. this after i had the gf pick me up from the airport take me to her house and fucked my brains out. i am such a bastard
and the insanity continues!
INSANE BASTARD